Tanzania team Update
Thursday, July 19
By: Jenna Chittick
today we went back to lemanyata, the school from monday. the kids were much different as they were when we arrived monday. they were all in class, and it was really cool to see the kids attentive and learning. it was also really cool to see how good the teachers are at controlling the massive class sizes. once the kids finished class we began to play with them. per usual we all had our own little group, however matthew and i had one large group. we began doing head shoulders knees and toes and the kids loved it! we did it for a while until we got so out of breath we took a small break. during our break the kids sang us a song of their own, which was really cool. after a while matthew and i tried to play duck duck goose, that didn’t go too well. then i met this little girl who was probably 5, and she was so attached to me, even when the older kids were trying to push her out of the way she was still holding onto my leg. we also became best friends with a teachers son, edwin. he is the cutest boy EVER. the school was so amazing and i’m really going to miss the kids.
Thursday, July 19, 2018
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Tanzania team Update
Wednesday, July 18
By: Sallie Reid Pruitt
Today was amazing. We were the first group from the Lunch Project to visit Olkakola and to all of us, that was a big deal. I felt really comfortable at this new school since we have already been to the other two but the kids felt the opposite. The kids at this school were a little skiddish and were reluctant to touch us but sort of came around eventually. This was the kids first time getting served rice and beans through the Lunch Project and that was really empowering to see. When we first arrived we were greeted with a song in english that they had learned and lovely drawn posters that we hope to hang in the church. They performed a sort of line dance and the Masai performed as well. We were brought to one of the Masai chiefs home and were welcomed inside to look around and we got to tour around his beautiful garden. It was really cool to see the differences and similarities between the way people live at home and in Tanzania. I am honored to say I was one of the first people to be at the Olkakola school and can’t wait to see what God has in store for the relationship between them and the Lunch Project in the future!
Wednesday, July 18
By: Sallie Reid Pruitt
Today was amazing. We were the first group from the Lunch Project to visit Olkakola and to all of us, that was a big deal. I felt really comfortable at this new school since we have already been to the other two but the kids felt the opposite. The kids at this school were a little skiddish and were reluctant to touch us but sort of came around eventually. This was the kids first time getting served rice and beans through the Lunch Project and that was really empowering to see. When we first arrived we were greeted with a song in english that they had learned and lovely drawn posters that we hope to hang in the church. They performed a sort of line dance and the Masai performed as well. We were brought to one of the Masai chiefs home and were welcomed inside to look around and we got to tour around his beautiful garden. It was really cool to see the differences and similarities between the way people live at home and in Tanzania. I am honored to say I was one of the first people to be at the Olkakola school and can’t wait to see what God has in store for the relationship between them and the Lunch Project in the future!
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Tanzania Mission Trip update # 4
Tuesday, July 16
Written by: Cate Watson
Before I start my reflection for today I just want to say a quick prayer. Thank you Lord for putting this journey in my path, and the path of all of the other youth and adults. So far the trip has been amazing and I truly feel like my life has been changed and opened up to the true beauty and struggle of our world. Amen.
Today has actually been my favorite day so far, even though they have all been eye opening. Our day started with a long drive to a school called Engorika Primary School. I usually get very car sick on long, windy, up hill drives but today was a different story. I was truly distracted from my own issues by all of the beauty on the way. The shops and houses were beautiful, the terrain was beautiful, the animals were beautiful, the people were beautiful, but most of all, the community was beautiful. Today’s devotion mentioned community and unity and I am very confident to say that the community in America doesn’t even begin to compete with the community shared in Tanzania. One example was how a bus had broken down, and about 15 people just walking along the side of the road put aside what they were doing and helped to push this bus. They might not have known each other, but the way the people naturally pushed aside themselves and helped each other seemed extremely innate. Once we arrived at the school we were immediately welcomed with the warmest open hearts. The singing and jumping and smiles personally made me feel welcomed and just happy. We started with serving porridge and eventually ventured into serving rice and beans. As I was serving I truly recognized how much us being in Africa and at their school meant to them, which is everything. After our amazing adventure at the school we needed to go find a place to eat where I again had my eyes and heart opened to something amazing. Shanga is an attachment onto a resort where people who have disabilities can work and make beautiful art, where they would be turned away in most other jobs. Their art pieces truly represented the beauty of Africa and African culture. They then sold their creations in the gift shop where part of the proceeds went to helping people with disabilities. We then ate lunch at the resort where I happily played with and fed an adorable blue eyed kitten!!
Today was an amazing day where I saw God numerous times. One specific occasion, and my favorite of the day, was after we had fed the 912 children their porridge. We separated and went to play with the children and we all had huge swarms of kids run up to us. There is some kind of thing about touching a white persons palm in Africa that we had talked about a couple of nights ago and today I truly understood. No matter where I walked hands were grabbing out to touch my palm and after I got used to it, I truly felt the connections formed between touching someone’s palm and holding onto something so dear to the human body. If you looked at their hands they were dirty, their nails were broken and they had cuts. If you look at my hand my nails are thick and long and my hands are soft and seem untouched. The coarseness of their hands represented the struggles they go through in life, and although the hands are so important to the human body, they take in that pain and love with happiness in their hearts and their souls, which I and all Americans should aspire to be like.
Concluding this post I want to inform all of you readers of something we talked about in our devotion tonight. We talked about how although they aren’t as privileged as us, they live their life’s based off of making the best of what they have and living in community and unity. America is more of a “you, yourself, are the most important” while Africa is more of a “you, being another person, is the most important”. I will end with the slightly altered but same message quote from Jeremy Early: “They may not have much, but they have each other.”
Tuesday, July 16
Written by: Cate Watson
Before I start my reflection for today I just want to say a quick prayer. Thank you Lord for putting this journey in my path, and the path of all of the other youth and adults. So far the trip has been amazing and I truly feel like my life has been changed and opened up to the true beauty and struggle of our world. Amen.
Today has actually been my favorite day so far, even though they have all been eye opening. Our day started with a long drive to a school called Engorika Primary School. I usually get very car sick on long, windy, up hill drives but today was a different story. I was truly distracted from my own issues by all of the beauty on the way. The shops and houses were beautiful, the terrain was beautiful, the animals were beautiful, the people were beautiful, but most of all, the community was beautiful. Today’s devotion mentioned community and unity and I am very confident to say that the community in America doesn’t even begin to compete with the community shared in Tanzania. One example was how a bus had broken down, and about 15 people just walking along the side of the road put aside what they were doing and helped to push this bus. They might not have known each other, but the way the people naturally pushed aside themselves and helped each other seemed extremely innate. Once we arrived at the school we were immediately welcomed with the warmest open hearts. The singing and jumping and smiles personally made me feel welcomed and just happy. We started with serving porridge and eventually ventured into serving rice and beans. As I was serving I truly recognized how much us being in Africa and at their school meant to them, which is everything. After our amazing adventure at the school we needed to go find a place to eat where I again had my eyes and heart opened to something amazing. Shanga is an attachment onto a resort where people who have disabilities can work and make beautiful art, where they would be turned away in most other jobs. Their art pieces truly represented the beauty of Africa and African culture. They then sold their creations in the gift shop where part of the proceeds went to helping people with disabilities. We then ate lunch at the resort where I happily played with and fed an adorable blue eyed kitten!!
Today was an amazing day where I saw God numerous times. One specific occasion, and my favorite of the day, was after we had fed the 912 children their porridge. We separated and went to play with the children and we all had huge swarms of kids run up to us. There is some kind of thing about touching a white persons palm in Africa that we had talked about a couple of nights ago and today I truly understood. No matter where I walked hands were grabbing out to touch my palm and after I got used to it, I truly felt the connections formed between touching someone’s palm and holding onto something so dear to the human body. If you looked at their hands they were dirty, their nails were broken and they had cuts. If you look at my hand my nails are thick and long and my hands are soft and seem untouched. The coarseness of their hands represented the struggles they go through in life, and although the hands are so important to the human body, they take in that pain and love with happiness in their hearts and their souls, which I and all Americans should aspire to be like.
Concluding this post I want to inform all of you readers of something we talked about in our devotion tonight. We talked about how although they aren’t as privileged as us, they live their life’s based off of making the best of what they have and living in community and unity. America is more of a “you, yourself, are the most important” while Africa is more of a “you, being another person, is the most important”. I will end with the slightly altered but same message quote from Jeremy Early: “They may not have much, but they have each other.”
Monday, July 16, 2018
Tanzania Mission Trip update # 3
Monday, July 16
Written by: Zibby Shaw
Today we went and visited our first school, Lemanyata primary school. We were welcomed as we pulled in by all of the children singing and holding welcome signs with our names on them. We went straight to serving them porridge made of milk, sugar, corn, and nuts.
After the meal we went into the field and played with the all the kids. We taught them tag and some hand games. It was so exciting to see how happy they were to meet us. We watched a traditional Masai dance and were sang to by the women. During the dance they included all team members and we danced along with them as they dressed us up. The team received necklaces as thank you gifts.
We got to visit the class rooms and see how the kids learn. In a math class I visited, I saw the different strategies they use while learning. One thing I enjoyed the most is when the class gets a problem right they sing and dance in celebration. We then got to serve them rice and beans for lunch. This was a very moving part in the day. Seeing how happy the children were to receive this meal was eye opening to see how something so common for us is a gift for them. We said our goodbyes and now we’re spending our day at the market and catching up on some rest.
Monday, July 16
Written by: Zibby Shaw
Today we went and visited our first school, Lemanyata primary school. We were welcomed as we pulled in by all of the children singing and holding welcome signs with our names on them. We went straight to serving them porridge made of milk, sugar, corn, and nuts.
After the meal we went into the field and played with the all the kids. We taught them tag and some hand games. It was so exciting to see how happy they were to meet us. We watched a traditional Masai dance and were sang to by the women. During the dance they included all team members and we danced along with them as they dressed us up. The team received necklaces as thank you gifts.
We got to visit the class rooms and see how the kids learn. In a math class I visited, I saw the different strategies they use while learning. One thing I enjoyed the most is when the class gets a problem right they sing and dance in celebration. We then got to serve them rice and beans for lunch. This was a very moving part in the day. Seeing how happy the children were to receive this meal was eye opening to see how something so common for us is a gift for them. We said our goodbyes and now we’re spending our day at the market and catching up on some rest.
Tanzania Mission Trip update # 2
Sunday, July 15
By: Jeff Pruitt
After a well-earned, good night's rest, we set out early Sunday morning to Arusha National park for our first safari. The weather has been very mild so far, and today was no exception, with clouds blanking most of the sky and temperatures in the low 70's. While we welcomed the clouds keeping the temperatures down, it also obscured our view of Mt. Kilimanjaro ("Kili"), which is a key part of our trip through the park. After popping the roofs on our safari vehicles, we set out into the park - less than 10 minutes later, we came upon a herd of zebra and a tower of giraffes (yes, that is the correct term for a group of giraffes, according to our driver/tour guide, Gerald). These were Masai giraffes, the type native to Tanzania. Giraffes are very photogenic and seem to find no issue with 5 or 6 safari trucks full of gaggling tourists stop to look at them (the zebras never looked up from their breakfast). After a few minutes, we pressed on to our first (of at least 8) troops of baboons. The baboon population is thriving at Arusha and we were able to see all sizes of them - adults, adolescents, and even babies less than a month old. As we were leaving the baboons, we spotted a large bull elephant in the road - we all wanted to see an elephant, but were told we may or we may not. Gerald told us he was likely agitated, but he was gracious enough to stay close to the road to allow us some great pictures - he also trumpeted at us a time or two. We were all very excited - all of this wildlife less than 30 minutes into our day!
We proceeded to drive into more dense forest where we also saw some colobus monkeys. The tree canopy was dense and the air was cool - reminding me of the forests in the Smokey Mountains. We came to a lookout point that allowed us to look down into the valley below. Arusha NP includes two mountains, and a large volcanic crater (Ngurdoto Crater) containing both swamp and grasslands. After this stop, we loaded back into our vehicles to drive to another area of the park about an hour away, where we would have lunch. This was also a panoramic view of the crater and a clear, unobstructed view of Kili - unfortunately, though the sun had come out, there was still heavy clouds hiding the peak of the mountain from us. After such a great day, we were wondering whether we would get to see the great mountain!
Back in our vehicles, we then proceeded to a parking area before setting out on a hike with a park ranger (an armed escort to protect us from any wildlife). From a starting point about 3930 feet above sea level, we hiked an aggressive trail to about 5,300 feet for another sweeping view of the park, after our park ranger diverted us away from a herd of water buffalo. He was also able to share with us some interesting facts about the animals we were seeing as well as some of the fauna we saw on the way. We reached our destination, winded and a bit light-headed. Kili was there, but remained hidden from view! We hiked back down, then detoured to see Tululusia Falls - a 25 meter (about 80 feet) high water fall spilling into a split in the rock. It was incredibly loud, but made for a great photo shoot. We were foot sore and ready for a rest back in our vehicles, so we set out back to the parking area, briefly interrupted by our sharp-eyed park ranger spotting a juvenile puff adder just off the trail. Back in our vehicles, we set out to continue the main loop through the park. Grateful for the chance to sit and enjoy the cool breeze through the open canopy of the truck, we were not as attentive as we had been earlier in the day. We saw a few baboons and other small mammals, but really weren't expecting our trip could get any better. How wrong we were….
After reaching a small clearing for a short photo op with a single Masai giraffe and one of her young, we began to see signs of elephants - large piles of fresh dung on the road, broken tree branches, clear pathways cut by large animals - and began to wonder if we may get lucky again. We did - we stopped at a point in the road where there were 3 elephants just off the road - one on our right and two on our left. They were merrily feeding on the trees in the dense brush and seemed not to notice or care about us. Suddenly, one of the elephants on the left trumpeted and squared its enormous head at us, flapping its large ears and showing its massive tusks. It did not charge us, but gave us quite a show (and some great photos). We were very excited to have seen more elephants and were sharing our photos with each other when we came upon several other parked vehicles about 1000 feet from the park exit. They two had found some elephants - about 4-5 of them about 100 yards out in a field from us - including a baby! As we franticly took pictures of this great scene, we looked up to see the clouds had finally broken and Kili was there, in all of her snow-crowned glory! We continued to marvel at the wonder of it all, as several more elephants crossed the road behind us to join the others. It was spectacular!
I have been fortunate to see many of God's wonders in nature - Yosemite, The Grand Canyon, forests and animals of all shapes/sizes - but this surpassed everything I could have imagined. It was so peaceful to see these marvelous animals moving about in such a majestic and magical location - it was humbling to conceive of the gifts God has bestowed upon us through nature. We have all seen such beauty in books, computer posts and television shows - but nothing compares to experiencing it all in person, in the presence of friends and family.
Tomorrow, we are visiting one of the schools supported by The Lunch Project tomorrow and are looking forward to meeting the kids and continuing this great trip!
Sunday, July 15
By: Jeff Pruitt
After a well-earned, good night's rest, we set out early Sunday morning to Arusha National park for our first safari. The weather has been very mild so far, and today was no exception, with clouds blanking most of the sky and temperatures in the low 70's. While we welcomed the clouds keeping the temperatures down, it also obscured our view of Mt. Kilimanjaro ("Kili"), which is a key part of our trip through the park. After popping the roofs on our safari vehicles, we set out into the park - less than 10 minutes later, we came upon a herd of zebra and a tower of giraffes (yes, that is the correct term for a group of giraffes, according to our driver/tour guide, Gerald). These were Masai giraffes, the type native to Tanzania. Giraffes are very photogenic and seem to find no issue with 5 or 6 safari trucks full of gaggling tourists stop to look at them (the zebras never looked up from their breakfast). After a few minutes, we pressed on to our first (of at least 8) troops of baboons. The baboon population is thriving at Arusha and we were able to see all sizes of them - adults, adolescents, and even babies less than a month old. As we were leaving the baboons, we spotted a large bull elephant in the road - we all wanted to see an elephant, but were told we may or we may not. Gerald told us he was likely agitated, but he was gracious enough to stay close to the road to allow us some great pictures - he also trumpeted at us a time or two. We were all very excited - all of this wildlife less than 30 minutes into our day!
We proceeded to drive into more dense forest where we also saw some colobus monkeys. The tree canopy was dense and the air was cool - reminding me of the forests in the Smokey Mountains. We came to a lookout point that allowed us to look down into the valley below. Arusha NP includes two mountains, and a large volcanic crater (Ngurdoto Crater) containing both swamp and grasslands. After this stop, we loaded back into our vehicles to drive to another area of the park about an hour away, where we would have lunch. This was also a panoramic view of the crater and a clear, unobstructed view of Kili - unfortunately, though the sun had come out, there was still heavy clouds hiding the peak of the mountain from us. After such a great day, we were wondering whether we would get to see the great mountain!
Back in our vehicles, we then proceeded to a parking area before setting out on a hike with a park ranger (an armed escort to protect us from any wildlife). From a starting point about 3930 feet above sea level, we hiked an aggressive trail to about 5,300 feet for another sweeping view of the park, after our park ranger diverted us away from a herd of water buffalo. He was also able to share with us some interesting facts about the animals we were seeing as well as some of the fauna we saw on the way. We reached our destination, winded and a bit light-headed. Kili was there, but remained hidden from view! We hiked back down, then detoured to see Tululusia Falls - a 25 meter (about 80 feet) high water fall spilling into a split in the rock. It was incredibly loud, but made for a great photo shoot. We were foot sore and ready for a rest back in our vehicles, so we set out back to the parking area, briefly interrupted by our sharp-eyed park ranger spotting a juvenile puff adder just off the trail. Back in our vehicles, we set out to continue the main loop through the park. Grateful for the chance to sit and enjoy the cool breeze through the open canopy of the truck, we were not as attentive as we had been earlier in the day. We saw a few baboons and other small mammals, but really weren't expecting our trip could get any better. How wrong we were….
After reaching a small clearing for a short photo op with a single Masai giraffe and one of her young, we began to see signs of elephants - large piles of fresh dung on the road, broken tree branches, clear pathways cut by large animals - and began to wonder if we may get lucky again. We did - we stopped at a point in the road where there were 3 elephants just off the road - one on our right and two on our left. They were merrily feeding on the trees in the dense brush and seemed not to notice or care about us. Suddenly, one of the elephants on the left trumpeted and squared its enormous head at us, flapping its large ears and showing its massive tusks. It did not charge us, but gave us quite a show (and some great photos). We were very excited to have seen more elephants and were sharing our photos with each other when we came upon several other parked vehicles about 1000 feet from the park exit. They two had found some elephants - about 4-5 of them about 100 yards out in a field from us - including a baby! As we franticly took pictures of this great scene, we looked up to see the clouds had finally broken and Kili was there, in all of her snow-crowned glory! We continued to marvel at the wonder of it all, as several more elephants crossed the road behind us to join the others. It was spectacular!
I have been fortunate to see many of God's wonders in nature - Yosemite, The Grand Canyon, forests and animals of all shapes/sizes - but this surpassed everything I could have imagined. It was so peaceful to see these marvelous animals moving about in such a majestic and magical location - it was humbling to conceive of the gifts God has bestowed upon us through nature. We have all seen such beauty in books, computer posts and television shows - but nothing compares to experiencing it all in person, in the presence of friends and family.
Tomorrow, we are visiting one of the schools supported by The Lunch Project tomorrow and are looking forward to meeting the kids and continuing this great trip!
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Tanzania Mission Trip: update # 1
Saturday, July 14
End of day update from Sarah Brock:
Everyone is EXHAUSTED. We landed on time (early afternoon) and got through the visa process without concerns. Good news! All our luggage arrived with us! It was great to see our old friend, Ernest, and new friend, Moses, waiting as we exited the airport.
During the drive to TCDC from the airport, we caught a glimpse of the top of Mt Kilimanjaro, and the base of Mt Meru. We also saw cattle, goats, and donkeys being herded by kids and adults alike. The towns we drove through were busy - and a few people wanted to stop at the Saturday market! We didn’t, sadly. We had bungalows to get to!
The bungalows at TCDC are set up like dorm rooms. Two beds, two wardrobes, a long desk with two chairs, and a bathroom. The water pressure wasn’t great in the showers today, but it didn’t matter. It was refreshing to take one.
After settling in at TCDC and meeting the yard monkeys (they’re like squirrels in Charlotte), we ventured to Blue Heron (a favorite spot) for dinner. Pizzas, burgers, and spaghetti were eaten happily. But once our bellies were full, our team was ready for bed. 9:20 on a Saturday night and almost everyone is asleep on the way back to TCDC.
We’re leaving bright and early tomorrow for a safari day. We’re excited for what the day will bring!
End of day update from Sarah Brock:
Everyone is EXHAUSTED. We landed on time (early afternoon) and got through the visa process without concerns. Good news! All our luggage arrived with us! It was great to see our old friend, Ernest, and new friend, Moses, waiting as we exited the airport.
During the drive to TCDC from the airport, we caught a glimpse of the top of Mt Kilimanjaro, and the base of Mt Meru. We also saw cattle, goats, and donkeys being herded by kids and adults alike. The towns we drove through were busy - and a few people wanted to stop at the Saturday market! We didn’t, sadly. We had bungalows to get to!
The bungalows at TCDC are set up like dorm rooms. Two beds, two wardrobes, a long desk with two chairs, and a bathroom. The water pressure wasn’t great in the showers today, but it didn’t matter. It was refreshing to take one.
After settling in at TCDC and meeting the yard monkeys (they’re like squirrels in Charlotte), we ventured to Blue Heron (a favorite spot) for dinner. Pizzas, burgers, and spaghetti were eaten happily. But once our bellies were full, our team was ready for bed. 9:20 on a Saturday night and almost everyone is asleep on the way back to TCDC.
We’re leaving bright and early tomorrow for a safari day. We’re excited for what the day will bring!
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Grief Helps for Parents of Teens
4 Steps for Helping Youth through the Process of Grief
-Jilianne Booth
1. A Ministry of Presence: Put down your phone, plan a special meal or outing with your teen, sit and watch Netflix together, or blast some music together while driving in the car. Your goal during this time is to be fully present. Your call is to come alongside your child in purposeful, solid ways. Even of it seems strange to you that your child is so upset about someone she/he didn't necessarily know well, loss is loss. Their feelings are valid and healthy.
2. Listen: You can’t “fix” this for your youth or change how they feel. Each person experiences grief differently. There is no wrong or right way. Often for middle school students this may well be the first time someone they actually knew (even though not well) has died. You will want to remember that while grief is a totally healthy and normal reaction, grieving does not feel natural because it may be difficult to control the emotions, thoughts, or physical feelings associated with a death … especially a freak and horrific accident like Polly’s.
3. Reassure and Affirm. Again, it is not your job to "fix" anything .. but if the opportunity presents itself, affirm your student in that what they are feeling is ok:
It’s ok to be sad.
It’s ok to not understand.
It’s even ok to be mad at God (God is BIG and can totally handle that). See Lamentations 3:33.
It’s valid to hurt even if you didn’t know Polly that well. She was a part of our church and EYC family.
4. Join the Journey: Stages of Grief. Because I was one (my dad was killed by a drunk driver when I was 10 years old) ... I truly believe that the absolute best way to assist a grieving youth is to settle into a role of coming alongside them and accompanying them on their journey, called grief. That role, as mentioned above, is to be a listener and a calm presence in this emotionally chaotic time.
There are 5 universal stages of grief. In the grief process, it is normal for someone to go through these stages in a random order and even to return to previous stages. There is no right or wrong way. It may be especially helpful to remind your student that because everyone goes through the stages differently, they may need to be especially patient, loving, and understanding toward their peers who may be at a different point in the grief process than they are.
The stages of grief were developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with loss. I would encourage you to google Kubler-Ross for detailed information.
As you talk with your youth about the stages, it may be helpful to provide a visual representation to help them "see" the concept. Below is a fun meme that is built of emojis! Helping them hear about these stages equips youth to have some sense of order and is a practical tool to help control their emotional chaos. (This meme comes from www.qrius.com)
Grief in teens can look different from grief in adults. Per http://www.childandfamilymentalhealth.com: how a teen responds to the death may shift depending on: 1) their emotional level of maturity; 2) their relationship with the deceased; 3) their previous experiences with death and, 4) the nature of the death (anticipated or unexpected).
It is my prayer that this information is helpful and offers you some practical resources.
-Jilianne Booth
1. A Ministry of Presence: Put down your phone, plan a special meal or outing with your teen, sit and watch Netflix together, or blast some music together while driving in the car. Your goal during this time is to be fully present. Your call is to come alongside your child in purposeful, solid ways. Even of it seems strange to you that your child is so upset about someone she/he didn't necessarily know well, loss is loss. Their feelings are valid and healthy.
2. Listen: You can’t “fix” this for your youth or change how they feel. Each person experiences grief differently. There is no wrong or right way. Often for middle school students this may well be the first time someone they actually knew (even though not well) has died. You will want to remember that while grief is a totally healthy and normal reaction, grieving does not feel natural because it may be difficult to control the emotions, thoughts, or physical feelings associated with a death … especially a freak and horrific accident like Polly’s.
3. Reassure and Affirm. Again, it is not your job to "fix" anything .. but if the opportunity presents itself, affirm your student in that what they are feeling is ok:
It’s ok to be sad.
It’s ok to not understand.
It’s even ok to be mad at God (God is BIG and can totally handle that). See Lamentations 3:33.
It’s valid to hurt even if you didn’t know Polly that well. She was a part of our church and EYC family.
4. Join the Journey: Stages of Grief. Because I was one (my dad was killed by a drunk driver when I was 10 years old) ... I truly believe that the absolute best way to assist a grieving youth is to settle into a role of coming alongside them and accompanying them on their journey, called grief. That role, as mentioned above, is to be a listener and a calm presence in this emotionally chaotic time.
There are 5 universal stages of grief. In the grief process, it is normal for someone to go through these stages in a random order and even to return to previous stages. There is no right or wrong way. It may be especially helpful to remind your student that because everyone goes through the stages differently, they may need to be especially patient, loving, and understanding toward their peers who may be at a different point in the grief process than they are.
The stages of grief were developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with loss. I would encourage you to google Kubler-Ross for detailed information.
As you talk with your youth about the stages, it may be helpful to provide a visual representation to help them "see" the concept. Below is a fun meme that is built of emojis! Helping them hear about these stages equips youth to have some sense of order and is a practical tool to help control their emotional chaos. (This meme comes from www.qrius.com)
Grief in teens can look different from grief in adults. Per http://www.childandfamilymentalhealth.com: how a teen responds to the death may shift depending on: 1) their emotional level of maturity; 2) their relationship with the deceased; 3) their previous experiences with death and, 4) the nature of the death (anticipated or unexpected).
It is my prayer that this information is helpful and offers you some practical resources.
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